Parenting - it's a waiting game
9 Feb 2015
Last night we watched the BAFTAS. The best film award went to ‘BOYHOOD ‘ which took 12 years to make, using the same cast to tell the story in real time of a boy growing up from aged 6 – 18 - a bit like a cinema version of a home movie. The director and his backers clearly took a wonderful leap of faith to make a film over 12 years, trusting their instincts that it would be worth the wait.
Marmar was very much a ‘wait and see’ parent. She was a natural expert at mindfulness long before it was fashionable, staying in the present and not rushing ahead. However, her time keeping was vague. Her watch rarely worked. She lived in her own time zone which could be infuriating as she was often late. Waiting for Marmar filled up a lot of my childhood. I would often be the last child to be met from school, collected from a party, ballet lessons, or a friend’s house. As a teenager, I would wait for her to come home from work, wait for her to make a decision, wait for her to get dressed, wait for her to make a meal. Lots of waiting.
She found the pace of modern parenting mad. She would often say to me ‘ There is no rush.’ Sometimes it helped, sometimes it was annoying, but I find myself saying it now. What would it be like for you to slow down this week? What can you say ‘No’ to, stay in the present and just wait. Let me know how you get on.
WHAT WOULD MARMAR DO?
Marmar was my mum. Her legacy to my sisters and I includes parenting wisdom, wit and a bottomless pit of patience. She had her flaws though, as all parents do. I didn't realise how much she meant to me, and to my daughters, until she died.
So many parents have told me they miss their own family being nearby to help bring up their darlings. I thought you might like some parenting tips from Marmar. A small act of kindness written with love like Marmar would, to help you with all the modern problems of raising daughters. She would prefer me to write a proper letter to you, but she had a habit of leaving notes for us written on the back of old envelopes on the kitchen table. I hope you find these jottings useful and fun. Marmar would want you to put your feet up to read them.
This is also an invitation to share your own 'Marmar' stories. A friend told me her mum always said " It will be alright in the morning." What did your mum, or dad, do or say, that you have found valuable in raising your darlings? Please do share your memories for all of us in the comments box, or on the Darling Daughters Facebook page.
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